“I’m Neither a Nanny Nor a Maid”: I Told My Daughter I Can’t Always Watch Her Son Because I Have My Own Plans

When Nora announced her pregnancy, I was overjoyed. I imagined myself as the doting grandmother, spoiling my grandson, Gary, with love and maybe the occasional cookie. What I didn’t anticipate was becoming an on-call babysitter, which seemed to be what Nora and her husband, Kyle, expected as soon as Gary was born.

In the beginning, I was more than happy to help. I remembered the sleepless nights and endless diapers from when I had Nora, and I wanted to make it easier for her. For the first few months, I was at their house more often than my own, rocking Gary to sleep, and folding tiny clothes. It was tiring, but seeing Nora catch up on sleep or just have a moment to herself made it worthwhile.

However, as months turned into a year, my role seemed to have shifted from helpful grandmother to default caregiver. Nora and Kyle started to assume that I would be available at the drop of a hat. They began planning evenings out and weekend getaways without asking me if I was free, simply assuming I would be there to watch Gary.

One day, they informed me they had booked a week-long vacation in Florida and I would need to look after Gary. They didn’t ask; they told. That was the moment I realized things had gone too far. I love Gary with all my heart, but I am not just a nanny or a maid; I have my own life and plans.

I decided it was time to set some boundaries. I sat Nora down and explained that while I loved being a grandmother, I also needed to prioritize my own time. I told her that I felt taken for granted and that it wasn’t fair to assume I would always be available to babysit.

Nora was taken aback. She hadn’t realized how much she was leaning on me, or how her assumptions might make me feel. She apologized and promised to be more considerate, but the conversation left a strain on our relationship. She started calling less and, when we did talk, our conversations were stilted and awkward.

Gary’s second birthday came, and I wasn’t invited to the small family gathering they held. It hurt more than I expected. I realized then that setting boundaries had been necessary, but it had altered my relationship with my daughter and grandson in ways I hadn’t anticipated.

Now, I see Gary only on scheduled visits. Nora and I are polite, but the warmth we once shared seems to have cooled. I miss the old days, but I also know I made the right decision for my own well-being. It’s a bittersweet realization, recognizing that sometimes doing the right thing for yourself can lead to unexpected losses.