“Juggling Work, Kids, and Home Alone: My Husband is Checked Out”

I wake up every morning at 6 AM, not because I want to, but because I have to. The kids need breakfast, lunches need to be packed, and I need to get ready for work. My husband, on the other hand, is still snoring away. By the time he finally rolls out of bed, I’ve already done half a day’s work.

I often find myself wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” Why can’t I seem to manage everything as effortlessly as other women my age? Some of my friends are starting their own businesses, others are traveling the world, and some are even managing to do it all while maintaining a perfect home. Meanwhile, I’m barely keeping my head above water.

My husband and I both work full-time jobs. However, when it comes to household responsibilities, it’s like I’m living in the 1950s. After a long day at work, I come home to a house that needs cleaning, kids that need attention, and dinner that needs to be cooked. My husband? He’s usually on the couch, watching TV or scrolling through his phone.

I’ve tried talking to him about it. I’ve expressed how overwhelmed I feel and how much I need his help. His response is always the same: “I’m tired too.” But somehow, his tiredness always seems to take precedence over mine. It’s as if my exhaustion doesn’t count because I’m a woman and this is just what women do.

The weekends aren’t any better. While other families are out enjoying their time together, we’re stuck in a cycle of chores and arguments. I spend my Saturdays cleaning the house from top to bottom while he “watches” the kids, which usually means they’re left to their own devices while he relaxes. Sundays are for grocery shopping and meal prepping for the week ahead. By the time Sunday evening rolls around, I’m more exhausted than I was on Friday.

I’ve tried different strategies to get him more involved. I’ve made chore charts, set up family meetings, and even tried counseling. Nothing seems to work. He always finds a way to shirk his responsibilities or make excuses. It’s like he’s completely checked out of our marriage and family life.

I look at other couples and wonder how they do it. How do they manage to share responsibilities and still have time for each other? How do they make it look so easy? I feel like I’m failing at everything—my job, my marriage, and motherhood.

The worst part is the guilt. I feel guilty for resenting him. I feel guilty for not being able to do it all. I feel guilty for wanting more help. But most of all, I feel guilty for thinking about leaving him. The thought crosses my mind more often than I’d like to admit. But then I think about the kids and how much they love their dad. I think about how hard it would be to manage everything on my own. And so, I stay.

But staying doesn’t mean I’m happy. It means I’m surviving. It means I’m getting through each day by sheer willpower and a lot of coffee. It means I’m constantly questioning my worth and my abilities.

I don’t know what the future holds for us. Maybe one day he’ll wake up and realize how much he’s been taking me for granted. Maybe he’ll start pulling his weight and we’ll find a way to make it work. Or maybe I’ll reach my breaking point and finally decide that enough is enough.

Until then, I’ll keep juggling work, kids, and home alone. I’ll keep asking myself what’s wrong with me and why I can’t seem to manage it all. And I’ll keep hoping that one day things will change.