“Mom, I Need You Now”: How Elderly Parents Can Unintentionally Disrupt Their Adult Children’s Lives

Sarah had always been close to her mother, Linda. Growing up in a small town in Ohio, they shared a bond that many envied. Linda was a strong, independent woman who had raised Sarah single-handedly after her husband passed away when Sarah was just a child. Now in her late seventies, Linda was still in good health, both physically and mentally. She lived alone in the house where Sarah grew up, and she managed her daily activities without much trouble.

However, as Linda aged, she developed a habit that began to wear on Sarah. It started with occasional phone calls asking for small favors—picking up groceries, fixing a leaky faucet, or just coming over to keep her company. Sarah didn’t mind at first; she loved her mother and was happy to help. But over time, the calls became more frequent and more urgent.

“Mom, I need you now,” Linda would say, her voice tinged with panic. “I don’t feel well.”

These calls often came late at night or early in the morning, disrupting Sarah’s sleep and leaving her exhausted for work the next day. Sarah worked as a nurse at a busy hospital, a job that demanded her full attention and energy. The constant interruptions began to take a toll on her performance at work and her overall well-being.

One particularly stressful week, Sarah received three such calls from her mother. Each time, she rushed over to find Linda perfectly fine, sometimes even cheerful. When Sarah gently confronted her mother about the unnecessary urgency, Linda would brush it off.

“I just needed to see you,” Linda would say with a dismissive wave of her hand. “You know how lonely it gets here.”

Sarah felt torn. She understood her mother’s loneliness but couldn’t ignore the impact it was having on her own life. Her relationship with her husband, Mark, also began to suffer. Mark was supportive but grew increasingly frustrated with the constant disruptions.

“Sarah, you can’t keep doing this,” he said one night after another late-night call from Linda. “It’s affecting your health and our marriage.”

Sarah knew he was right but felt trapped by guilt and obligation. She tried to set boundaries with her mother, explaining that she couldn’t always drop everything to come over. But Linda’s response was always the same—a mix of guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation.

“Fine, I’ll just manage on my own,” Linda would say with a sigh. “Don’t worry about your old mother.”

The breaking point came one winter night when Sarah received yet another urgent call from Linda. Exhausted and emotionally drained, she drove through a snowstorm to reach her mother’s house. When she arrived, she found Linda sitting comfortably in front of the TV, a cup of tea in hand.

“Mom, you said it was an emergency!” Sarah exclaimed, her voice shaking with frustration.

“I just wanted some company,” Linda replied nonchalantly.

That night, something inside Sarah snapped. She realized that she couldn’t continue living this way. The constant stress was affecting her health, her job, and her marriage. She made the difficult decision to seek professional help for her mother and set firmer boundaries.

Linda was resistant at first but eventually agreed to have a home care aide visit a few times a week. The calls became less frequent, but the damage to their relationship was done. The bond they once shared was now strained and fragile.

Sarah continued to visit her mother regularly but with a heavy heart. The joy and warmth that once defined their relationship were replaced by a sense of duty and obligation. She loved her mother but couldn’t shake the feeling of resentment that had built up over the years.

In the end, Sarah learned a hard lesson about the importance of setting boundaries and taking care of herself. But the cost was high—a fractured relationship with the woman who had once been her closest confidante.